Thursday, June 28, 2012

Dear Sweet Baby #4

Wow what a ride these past 38 weeks have been! Finding out we were going to welcome you in what we thought at the time was going to be July was a bit of a surprise in the first place so I should have known this would be a wild ride. Even though we were a little surprised we were also super excited. We had always said we wanted 3 or 4 and somehow I knew after Callie was born that #4 would complete our family. It was a rough beginning. I felt naseous everyday from about 3 until 7 or so. I had spotting quite a bit which I'd never had before and I'm glad cause it was scary! There were jut issues and stressors this time around that I had never dealt with plus being older then 30 I was feeling this pregnancy much more and was so much more tired this time around. At our 19 week ultrasound we discovered a calcified spot on your heart, they told me it was harmless and not to worry but of course I did and had to google it. By doing that I found that spot to be a soft marker for down syndrome. I was kind of panicked but was actually somewhat comforted with the statistics I found on only having one soft marker. The thing was though it didn't matter anyway. We already loved you and entrusted you to God's care the minute we found out you were growing inside me so no matter if this spot meant something or not it didnt make a difference to us. Your biggest brother went with us to this ultrasound and begged the technician to tell him what you were but we said no and he was disappointed. He thought you looked likea dinosaur. The best part of pregnancy is getting to feel you move and turn inside. The first little flutters are such an awesome feeling and something I will miss so much. The big thunder kicks that move my whole stomach are pretty cool too, although sometimes painful! Throughout my pregnancy we have been dealing with high blood pressure and these past few weeks my meds were not working so well anymore and we began to worry that you would need to come sooner then we had planned. There were a few moments where I thought you would have to come a little too soon but you held off till 38 weeks which made both us and our dr feel a little better. It's hard to believe that we get to meet you tomorrow! Your brothers and sister are so excited and cant wait. You are already loved so much. So tonight while I grieve the thought of never feeling a baby kick me from the inside again, or have the excitement and anticipation of finding out about a new life growing inside of me, I thank God that we were blessed 4 times to have those feelings in the first place. You already hold a very special place in my heart. You are my baby. The last one to go through the anxiety of an upcoming csection, the sleeplessness of the newborn stage, the first smiles, coos and steps. I am so looking frward to all of these things one last time with you. We love you so much and can't wait to meet you soon and complete our family. Love Always, Mommy

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